My sweet little 4 pound Bishon had a trip to the vet today. he hasn't pooped, not eating not playful, not getting out of bed when someone comes in the door. So we took him to a vet off of carling Ave today emergecy service. I cried driving him there with keith. I cried waiting for the vet. I cried when a girl brought in her sick cat, then called for her sister in the waiting room. They then left and I started to cry, Keith said maybe its not so bad. Five minutes later they come back in and say they will have kitty put down. I cried some more. Buddy saw the vet. One of his anal sac has an infection in it. He is on drugs, if he isn't better in 2-3 days we have to bring him back. He is so sore and they have shaved his little bottom. He looks terrible. He has no spunk. No silliness in him. I am sad. Perhaps by tomorrow he wil be a little better.
It overwhelms me at how much we love our pets. i always had cats as a child but this is so different. Buddy is like our baby. We all can't go by him without picking him up for a cuddle. Its like we are possessed by this little raggy white 4 pound beast. He gives us unconditional love. We get love from our family, our husband and children but with Buddy it is different. The love you get from your pet is so different. i am so glad that keith and the girls somehow conned me into taking this little french puppy with the attitude into my life 2 years ago. He is the best.
Get beter little man! We love you xoxoxox

I have been busy asking for donations to as many people as I possibley can for The Weekend to End Breast Cancer. It is a difficult thing to do to ask people outright for money for a charity. I am finding that it is a character building experience. It pushes you out of a comfort level you have, making you do something that is personally difficult, putting yourself out for rejection but sometimes a pleasant surprise in that your surprised by who donates. Its not easy. Earlier this week I got a donation and letter in the mail from a firend who is a breast cancer surviour. The letter she wrote me touched me so deeply it was like a love letter. She expressed to me how much she appreciated what I was doing and how much my efforts meant to her. I was so moved that it has given me the strength to ask people for money, to keep working and trying to reach my goal of $2 thousand. It has motivated me. Inspired me. Made me feel good about myself and that what I am trying to do matters to otheres. I am trying to make a difference.

Yahoo! My 2 classes had there marks posted on the school site last night. I felt confident that i would get a decent mark but when they both came up showing both an A-..I actually felt some weird rush or faint or weird heart palputation. i was blown away with excitement. i feel like i got a spelling test all right and the tricky surprise bonus word.(presently working as e/a in a grade 3 class)Wow i feel good. yes i knew that i would oh I feel good.So good ,yeah Iknew that i would. (random james brown singing) i will be doing a happy dance al day because Yeah i feel good and i knew that i would...

Now if I could just feel some enthusiam to start my new class on Tuesday night. With having 2 weeks off i have rediscovered the t.v, magazines, and my family, that it is fun to wander in the grocery store or Walmart when your mind is not thinking about how much homework and assignments you have. Its called relaxed. Sunday i got out and ran 8km on a sunny morning, best run in i don't know how long, legsrolling into the next step like a finely tuned athlete. very easy, was it because i was relaxed and carefree. i think perhaps. It was awesome. If only every run could be so glorious!


P.s if your reading this i am looking for donations for the weekend to end breast cancer!!!!

had exam today. Studied alot and entered to room and became stupid. frig my brain turned into fudge or cherry jello. i have know idea. Exam's make me so anxious its almost a phobia and having just studied about fear etc. i do actually know and understand my own personal craziness.
The good news is the exam is worth 15%. my mark as of today before the exam is a 76.%. feeling a bit smarter.
Exam on Monday. There is so much to read on the exam which was not covered in class i am so totally ##*&*&###** pssed off. I just don't get it. Did the teacher not cover the course adequetely or did i not do all the reading i was supposed to read. i just don't know. i swear i spend every minute that i am not at work doing assignments, reading etc. if i can just find the intelligence, strength, and what other stuff i need to get thru the test Monday at 6:30. Then the class can go to Chances R have munchies, beer,(Donna my school bud is driving) life will be good.
i have not been running. i am still tired from the drugs i took to prepare my body for my little girlie surgery that has been a pain in the ass..except the surgery was'nt on my ass. i want to run. i want to watch t.v, read books that have nothing to do with autism. Go to the movies. Start to feel better.
Raise lots of money for breast cancer. i now have around $300. i need alot more. What is ackward is people say "Oh I am sponsoring you and then don't give you the money right away and then I think forget and you don't know how to ask again. i will however figure that problem out after my exam on Moday.
I will have then 13 days until my next course starts. its 2 evenings 6:30-9:30. Surely to God..yes i am talking to you doing 1 course has got to be easier then doing 2..apparently there is a test but its open text..easy or secretly tricky..i don't know. i need to buy post its. But i now have my saturdays off!!!Yeah no school on saturday...A happy dance!!!!
I am so fied!! Tired!!!! Sick of working my ass off all day and then coming home to work my ass off some more except i am not jogging so my ass is not looking like its been worked off.

Ok thats it for now. How to get money from people who said they would support breast cancer. HMMMM i have to figure that out. But i will...oh yes i will.

I had a small girlie surgery a week ago. my doctor siad it would probley take a week and it is. I am still not feeling great. i have no energy and no ambition. just sleep and watch tv. Even the young and restless is getting boring. it seems as if you have vanished from all those who know you. I have heard from 1 person at work. my Dad hasn't even called to check on me. i think i am terribly bored and feeling sorry for myself. cabin fever. I have 2 weeks of classes and about 4-6 small assignments you would think in between my stoned prescription state i would be doing some work no. my days and night are all mixed up. i sleep when i need to but then could be awake until 2-3 am which is not good because then i oversleep the next day.i don't even know what the day it is. i am bored. i am sad. i am fedup. even my puppy is getting bored sleeping with me. my family has been wonderful, patient, feeding me etc. I need to get back to a regular life. Perhaps a shower and clothes instead of clean p.j's would help. Forgive these mindless rambling. This is what happens when you watch too much daytime t.v.

Today i was supposed to have a lunch date with my brothers childhood friend who was the first boy i ever kissed. This is several decades ago. He lives in Portugal and is intown for my brothers 50th birthday. My brother is not speaking to me and seeing as each time i have tried to resolve the stupid issue he has started to swear at me like a salior..I won't be attending his birthday party. This makes me sad. life is to short to waste your time being angry about stupid shit.
family is family. But when someone is so verbally abusive towards me i am cetainly not going to bother or attempt to have any relationship with such a person. i won't tolerate it.

i had the day off work and was in the most wonderful mood. Yeah no school. time to get ahead on my college work..Yeah... and then a lunch date on a school day except i had the day off.
Well no phone call..no lunch date...
I had told neale previously if it was putting him in an ackward position no problem..
No his email said.."Your Not getting Out of it"
And no call ...no lunch date.
I ate a frozen microwaved lunch and feel bummed out. Disappointed.
No phone call seems rude. and so i am sad that we didn't have a chance to sit on a patio on this sunny hot day and giggle about our childhood and talk about our lives.
And i am sad that christmas and now my brotheres birthday has gone by and we are unable to be together. Its like an emptyness..like a death only the person isn't gone. he is just stubborn. That is very sad!

Back to class tomorrow morning and tonight I am extremely relaxed, unstressed and feeling very cool. Last semester my return to post secondary education had me on the edge of an all night anxiety attack. Tonight I have my new binder organized, notes printed, some reading for class read and i feel good. I have one semester under my belt and have proven to myself that I could do it. This semester I will try SUPER hard to not get stressed, just go along doing as much as I can each evening, review notes more often and enjoy the learning process even more.Enjoy my new college friends and work hard, learn super cool stuff and get good grades trying to maintain a balance to allow for wife time, mommy time, time to run and time to play and just enjoy all this stuff going on. I feel GOOD! I am proud of myself. I met a goal and now I move forward and who knows what I will learn and how I will feel end of April. I have amazed myself. Its so COOL!!! Super COOL!! I feel very happy.

Ipods are not just for listening to while jogging. Tonight i discovered that they make me quite happy while i vacum and wash floors and do laundry and all that stuff you should be doing but you tend to put off because its boring.tonight my ipod made me very cheerful and happy, energetic while washing the floors i sang along to my tunes.however it is a sad fact that i did not inherit my mothers beautiful voice as both my girlies closed their bedroom doors to prevent their ears from permenant damage.now who is scarred for life...i think i am ..i think i sounded HOT!!! should i give up my day job..probley not

I got my final mark today. Introduction to Autism Spectrum Disorder I got a B+. I am thrilled, happy, over the moon with excitement. Hey I guess I can work fulltime and be a college girl. While watching my grade1's eat their lunch today one little guy said to me"Wendy i heard your voice" Felt a little puzzled. Then he reminded me of the poem I read which was made into a cd for all the grade1's. Almost everyone on staff at the school read a poem by the famous Canadian poet Dennis Lee.. "Aligator pie..Aligator pie if I don't get some I think I'm gonna die..etc." I asked him if he liked it and his response was "You sounded beautiful" I thanked him and I think I felt a blush on my face. What an adorable little boy. He made me feel GREAT! I love my job. Kids are the best!

my mood is not pleased its pissed off!!!